OH CRAP!

Guys totally end up in the friend zone and it’s not fair, damn it! It just isn’t!  How dare a woman want to choose who she dates.  Oh yeah, and the friend zone is something exclusive to men. So rough!

I know how hard it is to be in the friend zone, you love this girl and you’re there for her to listen to her problems and relationship woes, perform whatever cheering-up ritual she has when she’s feeling shitty. I mean, maybe her girl friends do that with her, but this is different! Because you’re a guy! Guys and girls are never just friends! At least not if the girl is conventionally attractive, am I right? So you pine and pine over her, maybe you eventually ask her out. And what do you end up with? A broken heart, and woe is you! You’re still JUST FRIENDS. ARGH! I mean she still talks to you the same.

But she totally led you on, right? She said that you were so funny and sweet and she wanted to date a guy just like you! You would make such a great boyfriend, just not hers! Women are just unbelievable. I mean they’re so confusing and all they do is start arguments and mess with your head.

Or they’re just fucking psychos.  Oh yeah, you know how it is. Like you have this friend who is a girl, but she’s a little weird. I mean, you’re okay friends. She tells you she thinks that you’re the shit, so that’s nice. She bakes you brownies sometimes. She makes some bangin’ brownies! But then she acts really strange. She gets upset after a while and doesn’t understand why you guys aren’t dating. I mean, you told her that she was the coolest that one night after you talked about deep shit because, yeah! What a friend! She doesn’t think your feelings are “gay”. You like to take her out for dinner some times, just the two of you because, payment for the brownies, I guess! Right? But just because you told her that you loved her (she’s an awesome friend) and just because you told her she was pretty (I guess to make her feel good or some shit) and just because you told her you feel closer to her than anyone else doesn’t make her your fucking girlfriend, am I right?

Jeez. Maybe you should just never talk to her again. Or warn all your guy friends about how crazy she is. Or that girl who is putting you in the friend zone! Maybe that’s why! Maybe she thought that crazy bitch was your girlfriend! I mean, even though she was encouraging you and giving you advice to get the friend-zoner to go out with you, all she’d do is just fight the girl you WANTED to date and cockblock you! Girls ruin everything! You have to let the girl you’re after know that you and cray-cray are NOT associated. Once you tell her how freaky and weird that girl is, she’ll know that you were not a thing. It’s not gossip, it’s the truth! Guys don’t gossip!

Ugh, why does romance have to be so hard? I’m sorry we make it so hard for you men! You’ll have to forgive us, we women are just so damn crazy. Especially on our periods.